Maria's Grill: Loa

In my search for Trifecta, I feel it is my obligation to be thorough. So, if I find a burger place in some small town that ends up completely sucking, I feel it is my responsibility to add this too, to my tally. Without it, I would feel incomplete. A niggling sense of work not done, a dusty corner left unclean, knowing you hadn’t moved the bed to sweep under it even when you cleaned the rest of the room. I also feel that by cataloging the many local burger spots Utah has to its credit, I am offering a sort of service to fellow travelers. So it only makes sense that in order to provide my reader with really quality dining advice, I warn them off places that might leave them at the least disappointed and at the most (depending on just how badly you needed that burger and ice cream), suffering disaster. I do not however, even in my desire to be comprehensive, want to dwell on the negative. This will be brief. Here it is, my first real warning:

Last summer, on the way to Calf Creek via a lovely wet walk through Sulphur Creek in Capital Reef, I stopped for the second time at Maria’s Grill in Loa, Utah. Last time, it had been several years, I had a perfectly adequate experience scarfing burgers and ice cream on my way home from camping off the Notom Road. I think, now that I am trying to remember the details, that the café might actually have been called something else back then. That this spot might be one of those failed restaurant vortexes where one after the other, businesses move in, set up shop, fail miserably, only to be replaced by another similar business who undergoes the same fate. Usually, this is strictly a big city phenomenon; a Mexican restaurant in some strip mall or on the corner in front of the grocery store, is replaced by another, which is then replaced by a Chinese food buffet, all passing without the neighborhood noticing much since nobody eats there anyway. It doesn’t always mean these places are bad, not at all, that’s part of the mystery. It’s just the vibe of the place. In this case however, whatever the name of the place was before, the new one is Maria’s and, well, its terrible.

Rachel and I pulled up. It was hot. We had been driving all morning. We were on our way to hike ten miles. We wanted ice cream. I, remembering that my last visit had been perfectly pleasant, was excited at the prospect of our stop and praised the café to Rachel. I ordered a burger. And, as Maria’s Grill promises authentic Mexican cuisine (in Loa? I should have known…), Rachel ordered cheese enchiladas. How can you go wrong when the primary ingredient of the dish is cheese? We also ordered a fresh peach (yum, right? Right??) shake to share. A large.

Rachel and I are nothing if not champion eaters. Although our friendship is by no means reducible to a shared passion for eating, I have to say that a good amount of the bonding we have done has been over pints of ice cream, bowls of soup, whole lasagnas, and pizza (not necessarily all at once, but that is a possibility). Ice cream in particular is our epicureal conquest of choice. Last winter (I hate winter), I was largely nursed through the dark frigid season of death by Rachel’s company and bowls (and bowls and bowls) of ice cream. The Ben and Jerry’s buffet night, I think amply exemplifies the extent of our zeal. Picture us, propped up on Rachel’s boat sized couch with pillows sufficient for a harem and before us, the spread. We had just discovered that the Dan’s on Foothill has far superior ice cream selection to the Smith’s by our house and we were celebrating: Cake Batter, Chunky Monkey, Chubby Hubby, Brownie Batter, and something with chocolate and cheesecake. We ate…well…most of it that night.

So you can imagine just how bad this fresh peach shake must have been to have been left, neglected, melting away in the center console of my Subaru an hour after our stop. It was mostly milk and made from a thin sort of corn syrupy tasting soft serve. The peach was not anything close to fresh and was largely absent. The burger—dry, squashed bun, no lettuce or tomatoes or onion—was choked down because I have blood sugar problems and have to eat protein every two hours. The enchiladas were…well, the corn tortillas were half cooked on one side and over cooked on the other, the sauce was from a can, the entire thing tasted of gas station microwave cuisine. And the cheese! How can you ruin cheese? Cheese is a miracle ingredient! And has the power to save even the most lack luster dish! Not this time…

And so I share this warning: when you get to Loa on your way to Fish Lake National forest to go boating, or Boulder Mountain to hunt elk, or Capitol Reef, give Maria’s a pass.

I don't want to end on a downer...

Sulphur Creek was a wonderful surprise. I thought I had hiked literally all over Capital Reef, and yet here was this unexplored corner containing all my favorite things: slick rock slides leading to plunge pools and waterfalls to scramble around; tall red walls and very few people. And although all of this is in a national park, usually over run and feeling more like a circus than a piece of the natural world, the hike wandered deep into windy narrow canyons, shutting out sound, and leaving you feeling miles away from visitor’s centers and RV cavalcades. The canyon is so remote feeling in fact, that it is not uncommon to round a Cottonwood decorated bend and come upon a tall German, walking along with out a care in the world, naked as the day he was born. And as far as I am concerned, that is the best sort of recommendation.

A little bit of useful info…

Region: South Central, Utah

Contact info:

193 E 200 S Loa, UT 84747

(435) 836-2760

Rating (out of 5):

Burger 0 Fries Pass Shakes 0

You may want to give Maria’s a pass if you are:

* Boating on one of the many lakes in Fish Lake National Forest

* Working for one of the many Rec Therapy organizations in the area

* Hunting or riding ATVs on Boulder Mountain

* Hiking the Great Western Trail

* On your way to the Torrey Music Festival!

* Visiting Capital Reef